[link] Jay Lake on Comparing pain cards

[deborahjross]

jaylake on how pain is not a competition. I found his words profoundly moving.

Except suffering is not a contest. Suffering is not a race to the bottom. It’s not a competition to see who has the worst, most unspeakable affliction.

I run into this when I tell my own story about my mother’s murder. People always want to compare their pain to mine and it simply doesn’t work that way.

Pain is pain. When we hurt, the last thing we need to think is that somehow our pain isn't sufficient or worthy because someone else has a more spectacular story.


[cancer] Comparing pain cards just makes me want to go for my thankfully nonexistent guns | jlake.com

Comments

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

I get that. When my best friend was slowly losing body parts and functions and mobility, some people would always try to play the pain game with her. She was amazed at their audacity, and happy to let them win, preferably without her "competing".

I've also noticed that people see my walker and immediately put their own story on why I'm using it, though they usually start telling me how they overcame some difficulty using a walker. I've decided that they're trying to be encouraging.

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

And then there are people who insist upon telling you about the sure-fire cure for whatever ails you. You've probably come in for more than your share of highly-touted surefire herbal treatments for MS. The thing that annoys me is that I haven't asked for advice. It's fine if the other person feels sympathy, but that doesn't give them the right to inflict their cures on me just because they're uncomfortable with my problem.

I'm a bit testy about unasked for advice at the moment. Usually, I'm fairly nice about declining.

[jaylake.livejournal.com]

Oh, good lord. Sure-fire cancer cures populate my inbox on almost a daily basis, mostly from friends who are convinced the allopathic medical establishment is in collusion with the pharmaceutical industry to conceal the real cures for cancer. Cancer is like the Kennedy Assassination of healthcare conspiracy theories.