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Author and former literary agent Nathan Bransford presents another in his series of page critiques. Much of this is a matter of personal preference, but it is fascinating to read his thought process -- what he notices and how he suggests fixing it.
He says,
This is definitely a competently written first page. It sets the scene, it's not difficult to place the action, and it doesn't try too hard to grab the reader by the throat, which is very appreciated. There are some turns of phrase that could perhaps be smoother, but
My main concern is with the action, which I almost missed.
What's interesting about writing action is that there are many different ways to convey it stylistically. You can do clipped phrases (e.g. "He saw blood. Red everywhere. He ran. The killer was close.) or you could do stream of consciousness (e.g. "He saw blood and there was red everywhere and he ran, heart pounding, sensing the killer was close."), you can do a mix.
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2014/04/page-critique-wednesday-and-importance.html
He says,
This is definitely a competently written first page. It sets the scene, it's not difficult to place the action, and it doesn't try too hard to grab the reader by the throat, which is very appreciated. There are some turns of phrase that could perhaps be smoother, but
My main concern is with the action, which I almost missed.
What's interesting about writing action is that there are many different ways to convey it stylistically. You can do clipped phrases (e.g. "He saw blood. Red everywhere. He ran. The killer was close.) or you could do stream of consciousness (e.g. "He saw blood and there was red everywhere and he ran, heart pounding, sensing the killer was close."), you can do a mix.
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2014/04/page-critique-wednesday-and-importance.html
