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deborahjrossWhen I left the house around 7 pm, the cats were lying in odd locations on the floor, as if they had suddenly, without warning, turned into jellyfish. Rose wasn't wearing any clothes. I'd been s/t/u/p/i/d overly enthusiastic and did my hour of DDR, then showered, so I was still cool. The corn is loving this weather. Thank the gods of redwood, it cools off nicely at night.
A day of tidying up after the weekend. Back to Pilates after several weeks of Doing Other Things. I'm just bored with the DVD, excellent as it is. (PILATES FOR DUMMIES, with Michelle Dozois -- I don't suppose she's any relation to Gardner?) But I did need to say hello to my abdominal muscles. Journaling, piano practice, catching up on email, writing. 3 pages into Chapter 21, and the rest outlined, not too bad since the latter is an absolute prerequisite to going further. I simply cannot say, "Under hot pursuit, they flee downriver, only hero is wounded and sidekick has to decide on destination" and let it go at that. As Roxanne says in CYRANO DE BERGERAC, "Brodez, brodez..." And then treated my inner child to a movie. Couldn't find anyone to go along, so I took myself. CHARLIE was just fine, hideous dentistry aside, and I got to see a preview for the next HARRY POTTER movie as a bonus. I'm happy, having a number of movies to look forward to.
About the email. Got a note from an old college friend who, it sounds like, is on the verge of a divorce. Asked for words of wisdom based on my experience. I have noticed for the last few years that whenever I talk about my ex, he comes off sounding like a world class jerk. I don't know if he was or not, but I am certain that it is really dangerous for my own emotional and spiritual health to indulge in such talk. So I wrote, "In retrospect, I think we were basically unsuited to one another." And then looked at those words in amazement.
The thing is, it never was my business whether he was a jerk. It's only my business whether I am being a jerk. Bad-mouthing someone I once cared for enough to spend almost 30 years with, have 2 stunningly beautiful daughters with, definitely qualifies me for jerkhood.
I am feeling hopeful about my ability to let my kids live their own lives and find their own wildly imaginative solutions to life's problems, while keeping my jerkitudinous comments to myself. Just loving them and believing in them is enough
A day of tidying up after the weekend. Back to Pilates after several weeks of Doing Other Things. I'm just bored with the DVD, excellent as it is. (PILATES FOR DUMMIES, with Michelle Dozois -- I don't suppose she's any relation to Gardner?) But I did need to say hello to my abdominal muscles. Journaling, piano practice, catching up on email, writing. 3 pages into Chapter 21, and the rest outlined, not too bad since the latter is an absolute prerequisite to going further. I simply cannot say, "Under hot pursuit, they flee downriver, only hero is wounded and sidekick has to decide on destination" and let it go at that. As Roxanne says in CYRANO DE BERGERAC, "Brodez, brodez..." And then treated my inner child to a movie. Couldn't find anyone to go along, so I took myself. CHARLIE was just fine, hideous dentistry aside, and I got to see a preview for the next HARRY POTTER movie as a bonus. I'm happy, having a number of movies to look forward to.
About the email. Got a note from an old college friend who, it sounds like, is on the verge of a divorce. Asked for words of wisdom based on my experience. I have noticed for the last few years that whenever I talk about my ex, he comes off sounding like a world class jerk. I don't know if he was or not, but I am certain that it is really dangerous for my own emotional and spiritual health to indulge in such talk. So I wrote, "In retrospect, I think we were basically unsuited to one another." And then looked at those words in amazement.
The thing is, it never was my business whether he was a jerk. It's only my business whether I am being a jerk. Bad-mouthing someone I once cared for enough to spend almost 30 years with, have 2 stunningly beautiful daughters with, definitely qualifies me for jerkhood.
I am feeling hopeful about my ability to let my kids live their own lives and find their own wildly imaginative solutions to life's problems, while keeping my jerkitudinous comments to myself. Just loving them and believing in them is enough
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Date: 2005-08-02 12:09 am (UTC)...considering what he's done to you, me AND Sarah? You're entitled to a few moments of jerkhood. -.-;; For quite some time, I was furious at him because he'd do all this crap to you and Sarah...and turn back to me and act like I didn't know what he was doing. That still bothers me, actually... ^_^;;
Anyways. You? A jerk? You're nearly at sainthood, mother. :) *snuggles* It'd take a lot to fall that far.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 07:48 am (UTC)hardly sainthood, my dear. I'll settle for seeing that my kids have the tools to move beyond what I inflict on them.
As for "what he's done," we are all human, we all get angry, lash out, behave badly. The question is, what do we do then? How do we build healthy, loving relationships in the wake of life's tragedies? Sure, your biodad did a lot of stuff you didn't like, at a time nobody was at their best (remember, his own mom was dying while his family was breaking up). But the story's not over, and I wish you time and space to create many good things to balance out the hard times.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 07:47 am (UTC)hardly sainthood, my dear. I'll settle for seeing that my kids have the tools to move beyond what I inflict on them.
As for "what he's done," we are all human, we all get angry, lash out, behave badly. The question is, what do we do then? How do we build healthy, loving relationships in the wake of life's tragedies? Sure, your biodad did a lot of stuff you didn't like, at a time nobody was at their best (remember, his own mom was dying while his family was breaking up). But the story's not over, and I wish you time and space to create many good things to balance out the hard times.