Music musings

[deborahjross]

As a child, I longed to study the piano, a financial impossibility for our family. I remember one summer, when I was about 7 or 8, sitting at a piano and trying to play, but the sounds never came out as music. I sang and strummed a guitar a little in the hootenany '60s, taught myself to play the recorder very badly, and remained convinced I could never sing on key.

When it was clear Sarah, my oldest, and then Rose had astonishing musical talent, I schlepped them to a gazillion classes, Yamaha Music school and then private lessons, to concerts and recitals. In the early years, when parental participation was needed, I played and sang with them and tried not to wince too badly at the sound of my own voice. Each one has gone her own way with music, no longer playing. The child within me woke up and said, "My turn now?"

So I began piano lessons, my first formal music instruction, in January, on the piano that had been my mother's. Because I already had some familiarity with written music and where the notes are on the keyboard, I was able to start with a little Praetorius dance from THE JOY OF FIRST CLASSES. I'm now working on 2 little Bach minuets (G Major and g minor) from THE NOTEBOOK OF ANNA MAGDALENA. Also a little dance by Beethoven and a Handel gavotte. No singing yet, but that will come. I feel as if I am already singing inside.

There is something so deeply nourishing to me in creating the beautiful sounds I have heard only from the outside for most of my life. To delving into the layers of feeling in the construction of a piece -- I know how to do that in language/writing, both as writer and as reader, but this is a whole new journey. One without words, but with a direct connection to the interior landscape of my mind and heart.

My teacher, whose other students are, I believe, all children, is continually delighted with me. I bring the commitment and discipline of an adult, plus an artist's sensibilities, to my stiff, recalcitrant fingers. I know there are limitations as an older, much older, beginner. The question is not whether I will become a virtuoso -- I won't. But I can become skillful enough to play out the music inside me, and that's all I want. I savor each piece. I feel as if I have all the time in the world because I am already "there."

Comments

[janni.livejournal.com]

I took up voice lessons a couple years ago, after assuming it was something I couldn't even think of, I was so bad at it, for years and years. Finally figured out that music, like everything else, can be learned (to levels of competence if not brilliance), and have been having great fun ever since.