A quiet Thursday (I hope)

[deborahjross]

Had a bit of a meltdown on Monday, nothing major, just grouchiness and "fears of financial insecurity" that have nothing to do with external realities. When I get to a certain level of stress, I start thinking the only solution is to stop writing and get a job that I will hate and will drain all my energy and joy in living. Yep, utterly irrational, a recipe for the deliberate manufacture of misery. So it's a "red flag" for me, a signal to stop whatever it is I'm doing and take better care of myself. That was Monday.

I canceled out Tuesday commitments and spent a quiet day, ordering priorities, making sure I got some good exercise, a nap, music, and of course, writing! Sanity crept back, not entirely sure she will stay, but that's progress.

Today was more Monday-type stuff, but with a better perspective. Tomorrow actually won't be so bad: silent worship and dialog with Friends, then a small, informal dinner -- Dave's sister, up from San Diego, plus Rose and her wonderful partner, Marcie. Not a turkey in sight. A lovely fillet of steelhead trout, to be baked with herbs and the last of the garden tomatoes. Fresh cranberry relish (with fresh orange and apples from our orchard) already made, flavors melding in fridge. Salad, veg, dessert to be brought, although I have some home-canned pears that are to die for, also summer-sweet blackberry compote.

I've never resonated with Thanksgiving as a time to recite and reflect; I try to express my gratitude and appreciation directly, and as often as I can. Life is uncertain; I don't want to wait until one indigestible day a year to let the people I care about know how I feel. At its best, this is a grand opportunity to see a few of those dear ones and have a fun time together. I expect, given the company, we'll laugh a lot.

Happy however you do it at your place.

Comments

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a lovely meal and lovely company--and silent thanks can be deepest, sometimes.

I know what you mean about the little worm of anxiety pushing you toward something that would actually be a bad mistake. It's especially dangerous when the fears are grounded, to a degree, in reality... so must be fought extra hard. Addressing the fears, yes, that's a good idea, but not by embracing a life-destroying course of action. . .

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

We have so many role models of panic and desperation, and very few that show us calm reactions to Bad News.

One story I remind myself of frequently involves a man trying to decide between two jobs in different fields in different parts of the state. After making meticulous lists of the pros and cons, he asked a trusted friend which he should take. "Sounds like either one," the friend said. "After all, it can only be a terrible mistake." And then we get to address it.

We cripple ourselves with Dire Forbodings of Ultimate Doom, which of course must be faced in isolations -- we're all Rugged Individualists, right? -- at a time when we most need gentleness, creativity, community.

gentleness, creativity, and community

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Exactly right. I really do think that's exactly how we'll pull through this rough time.

Re: gentleness, creativity, and community

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

We had lunch yesterday with a couple of friends in a small coastal community. They have an eensie garden, but keep chickens and a pair of ducks. They're part of a neighborhood soup exchange, which strikes me as a delightful project.

Each family makes soup on a rotating basis, enough to give every family in the exchange 2 quarts. So, with three families, each one's turn comes up every 3 weeks, yet all have soup every week.

Sharing simple food, caring for one another, practicing compassionate interdependence, all sound like positive responses to the insanity of the times.

[imhilien.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better... sometimes we need those 'time out' days. :)

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

Yup. Doing better. Need a bit more exercise and sleep, but I'm heading in that direction!

[equesgal.livejournal.com]

Glad you're feeling better!

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

Good to see your phosphors. Are you hanging in there with your own er.. challenges?

[equesgal.livejournal.com]

Well...my mother is better which only makes her more feisty and resistent to any kind of help.

And now I'm dealing with a weakening in some of my fingers. They just happen to be the ones on my right hand that rest on the outer part of my mouse. Could I possibly have "mounse lazy" finges? If they don't respond to some changes I'm trying I guess I'll be off to the doctors. ;-(

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

I'd think nerve stuff before "laziness." Scrutinizing your hand/wrist ergonomics strikes me as a reasonable first step.

Yet another reason I hate mousies. Keyboards are my preferred interface, partly because I learned to type back in the Jurassic Era, on those heavy-duty manual typewriters. So it was essential to keep the wrist in exact alignment with the fingers, and that habit has persisted. The image is that the movement comes from the shoulder, with elbow and wrist supple and straight. (Which also put me ahead of the game when I started studying piano, because I was used to slightly lifted, relaxed wrists.)

Good luck!