Autumn

[deborahjross]

In between putting in extra days at work, trying to keep some sort of writing schedule, being available to support Rose in her school schedule, and a nasty but brief bout of stomach flu, my energy has been more internally directed these last couple of weeks.

September is always hard. The anniversary of my mother's murder has just passed, and this year was surprisingly difficult. It's been 19 years, and many of the last few were relatively pastel. That is, I would observe the time, light a Yahrzeit candle and say Kaddish, and then go on, without any great emotional upheavals. This year sideswiped me. I may talk more about that later. This is more of a check in.

I do feel that "turn-around" when the worst is past, and I've been writing and catching up on stuff all day. Vacuumed the house, always a good thing for karma. Wrote about 10 pages on SHIELD, so I'm feeling more balanced. Took a nap and a long walk. Good self-care. Dinner will be in a little while, and it's leftovers (BBQ chicken from Sunday when Dave's sister, Sue, came over), corn, melon and tomatoes from the garden, broccoli because we've had squash a lot recently, and Rose's tolerance for it has been sorely tried.

Despite my wanting it to be summer forever, there is a definite seasonal change in the air. Some color change in the trees -- not redwoods, of course, but there are enough varieties that do change to make it pretty. A nip in the evening air, although the afternoons are still shorts-weather. Our first rain of the season came on Tues with an unusual thunder-shower. People went scurrying to cover things, as we usually don't get rain until winter. Pumpkins and winter squashes are looking readier with every passing day. The blackberries are gone, except for a few shriveled or late ones. Apples are ripe. Ditto grapefruit, although we leave those on the tree and pick as we need them. I just noticed how I began with Heavy Stuff and ended up talking about the garden. Good to get "grounded" in the earth, even if most of what I do is Deal With what Dave hands me. Food, particularly seasonal produce, is a connection to living.

Comments

[cardigirl.livejournal.com]

I envy your garden and definitely agree that being "grounded" is a wonderful thing, as is eating what you've grown. I had a good garden in the last place I lived but after moving into my current townhouse (what had been my mother's place), it's been impossible. Nutgrass took over while the house was unlived in and no matter how hard I work, I haven't been able to get ahead of it. Short of tearing out the watering system in order to do a two-foot deep dig throughout, I've thrown in the towel (and even the deep dig might not work). I hope in move in the next few years and one thing I'll be looking for is a more promising gardening-place.