deborahjross | Croning ceremony

Croning ceremony report -- those details I can remember that this moment -- there was much more!

Images at: http://www.bigrock.com/deborah_croning/
Photography by lyn oppenheim

On a misty afternoon, a group of beloved friends and family gathered in my house, to the beautiful music of Ishana singing and playing her Irish harp. Then we went out to the gate, following Joan in a simple dance along the side of the house and back to the oak grove, where Dave had cleared a large space around a fire pit.

Two altars (representing Maiden and Mother) had been set up, as well as a canopied seating area for Crone. The women gathered around the altar of their own life stage, while the men "held us" from the periphery. At the Maiden altar, Rose read a blessing and at the Mother, Tanja read aloud a letter from my best college friend. This was an emotional moment for me, taking me by surprise, as such moments do. I realized that Bonnie and I have been dear friends since 1965, almost three-quarters of our lives.

The wise old women were waiting for me under the canopy. Leoma asked me if I were ready to join them, and this was another high point for me. It felt as if I had a choice, a decision to embrace (or refuse) this transition. After I said yes, I was bedecked in a filmy black veil, painted in gold with symbols of female wisdom and power, and a wreath of lavender, rosemary, thyme, and mustard. I walked beneath an arch of women's hands. Another wonderful, symbolic moment happened when Donya lifted the veil. Each of us sees life differently at different stages of growth. Wise old people see more clearly than any of us.

Since it was far too cold for a mikveh, ritual bath, we used a bowl filled with water and flower petals. Dave read a lovely piece written by Sherwood, "Deborah's Hands." Various people, who felt moved to do so, came forwards and washed my hands in the petals and water. Afterwards, we danced some more and went inside for a fabulous potluck.

I was having such a lovely time, I had to be reminded to open my presents. Many of the cards, with their loving wisdom, were as special as the gifts themselves. While this was going on, a bouquet of lush, lavish flowers was delivered, from a dear friend in Italy.

Various people brought beads, each with its own blessing, to make into a special necklace, and wrote in a memory book. A number who could not be physically present sent letters that I've pasted in the book. They are such a rich treasure that I can read only a little at a time, so full is my heart.

The celebrations were not yet over! The next day, Rose came over to help clean up while Dave and I went to Quaker meeting. When we got back, she gave me a wonderful present, playing the piano for me (which she has steadfastly refused to do since she stopped taking lessons in high school). Marcie came over, and participated in a "delaying game" until my sister and her partner arrived! Elizabeth had written that she could not come, but managed to drive down just for the day. We all went out to lunch, dining al fresco under the redwoods at my favorite Italian restaurant. Then came back and I played and sang -- better than I ever have before an audience! -- for everyone. Overcoming -- or transcending -- my performance anxiety to share music with loved ones was an unexpected treat.

Now it's all sinking in slowly, and I am eagerly looking forward to whatever new adventures this phase of life brings.

I now own a T-shirt that triumphantly announces, THIS is what 60 looks like!