Mixed feelings

[deborahjross]

I have jury duty today, which doesn't mean I will actually serve on a jury. It just means I have to go in and sit in the "jury pool." I've done this before, and as often as not, we sit and other people are selected and then the rest of us go home. The County has a "One Day or One Trial" policy, so that will be it for 2 years.

I'm not adverse to jury duty. I think it's an important responsibility, and if I were ever on trial, I'm the kind of person I'd like to have in my jury. However...

I'm finding that even the prospect of sitting in a court room is unsettling. I don't know if it's specifically the physical environment, or being in the midst of the criminal justice system. It's just too soon after the parole hearing, and I don't trust myself to be rational. I know myself well enough to appreciate that although I may function quite well on the outside and I am actually doing very very well with recovering from the hearing, my thinking and reactions may be colored by my personal stuff. It is also not good self-care to expose myself to a situation with such potential for triggering my post-traumatic cr@p.

With any luck, I won't have to explain that during voir dire, but if I have to, I will. Emphatically.

Stay tuned...

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

That must be very uncomfortable. Very best wishes, and take care.

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I think the uncertainty is the worst part. I'm pretty bold (read: not without fear, but with great unstoppable determination) about speaking out when it's necessary. I just don't know whether to brace myself for it or not!

I'll post the outcome when I get home.

[deborahjross.livejournal.com]

Well, it's over for 2 years. They didn't even call me for the selection process. But it was a civil case of alleged elder abuse by an employee, and way way too close to home (the kid who killed my mom worked for her, doing odd jobs around the house).

Back to self care and then life. And running away to my book revision land.