![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Coming up for air
Aug. 9th, 2009 09:00 amI seem to go through cycles of overcommitting myself, stressing and moaning (although quietly, since I did say yes to all those thing after all), either plowing through with gritted teeth or doing a ruthless triage of obligations. (The discrepancy between how irreplaceable I think I am and reality is often amazing.)
So here I am, with an insanely tight deadline for book revisions, putting together an anthology, back at my old day job for 2 days last week, plus an unusually peppered calendar (dentist, haircut, piano lesson -- not an empty day this week). The interesting thing is that I'm working well, with good focus, able to let go of things that don't need to be done Right Now.
A week or so ago, I was definitely grouch-ish. The difference, I think, is that certain worries really get to me, and I can handle only so many of them at once. Money issues (and I was dealing with 2 biggies) are unusually potent in their ability to make me nuts. I can't work (or work well) with my insides churning. I had to step back, realize that not only did I have too much "on my plate," but there were too many crazy-making things. I saw that it's not the amount of work, but whether it pushes my emotional buttons, that matters.
How much of this do I really need to deal with now? How much can I turn over to others, or convince myself I'll handle once the book is turned in, or dive in and get it handled once and for all?
By comparison, next week -- with only one day job workday -- seems like a piece of cake. Both Money Biggies are on-track towards resolution, with my having done all I can at this point, ball's in the other court. I can breathe, and think with some semblance of clarity. I'm saying No to one request for my time after another. I got up this morning and did 20 minutes of slow yoga, and after Dave's fine waffles, we're off to an hour of silence at Quaker meeting.
There is hope for me, after all.
So here I am, with an insanely tight deadline for book revisions, putting together an anthology, back at my old day job for 2 days last week, plus an unusually peppered calendar (dentist, haircut, piano lesson -- not an empty day this week). The interesting thing is that I'm working well, with good focus, able to let go of things that don't need to be done Right Now.
A week or so ago, I was definitely grouch-ish. The difference, I think, is that certain worries really get to me, and I can handle only so many of them at once. Money issues (and I was dealing with 2 biggies) are unusually potent in their ability to make me nuts. I can't work (or work well) with my insides churning. I had to step back, realize that not only did I have too much "on my plate," but there were too many crazy-making things. I saw that it's not the amount of work, but whether it pushes my emotional buttons, that matters.
How much of this do I really need to deal with now? How much can I turn over to others, or convince myself I'll handle once the book is turned in, or dive in and get it handled once and for all?
By comparison, next week -- with only one day job workday -- seems like a piece of cake. Both Money Biggies are on-track towards resolution, with my having done all I can at this point, ball's in the other court. I can breathe, and think with some semblance of clarity. I'm saying No to one request for my time after another. I got up this morning and did 20 minutes of slow yoga, and after Dave's fine waffles, we're off to an hour of silence at Quaker meeting.
There is hope for me, after all.
