I'm prepping for a colonoscopy. If that squicks you out, come back later when it's all over. I haven't even gotten to the gooey bodily-fluids part. Here's a nice LJ Cut for you.
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In general, I'm pretty good at doing the screening tests my doc (whom I adore, and vice versa) recommends. I wasn't thrilled about the first colonoscopy, and that experience made me hesitate this time. Yes, it was 10 years ago and nothing showed up. Yes, I eat a ridiculously healthy diet. But the prep was -- well, to say the osmotic laxative tasted vile is to insult the word "vile" by insipidity. Instant, almost overpowering nausea. Barely managed to keep the stuff down (my sister, 5 years my junior, tried and failed on her prep). And that is to say nothing of the er, copious, results. As uncomfortable as the cramping and explosions were, I coped with lots of the softest toilet tissue I could find and a supply of Preparation H wipes (very soothing). To add insult to injury, it didn't work completely.
I remember the procedure, despite being sedated. I remember that it was painful, but not the pain itself. I remember hating the sedative and not being clear-headed for a week afterward. Since then I have had 3 surgeries (knee arthroscopy, cataracts in both eyes) without sedation and I'm willing to argue with any anesthesiologist who thinks it will make me more comfortable. I do just fine with my yoga breathing, thank you, and pass the Fentanyl.
So the deal this time is 2 days of clear liquids instead of 1, to which I added 2 days of a low residue diet before that. I have had a vivid demonstration of how much happier my body is on my normal (high fiber, tons of fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, fish) eating pattern. Innards got unhappy; blood sugar levels got really unhappy.
Today's the first day of the clear liquids. Apple juice (fortified with vit. C), herb tea, expensive delicious sodas (root beer is a godsend because it's so flavorful and chewy), jello. I haven't eaten jello in 10 years and now I remember why. Broth/bouillon. Aside from the microscopic amount of protein in the jello and broth, all my calories are coming from sugar. This on top of days of white bread, white rice, no fresh veggies or fruit... I'm beginning to understand why folks snarl at one another. It's cold and I feel even colder. My stomach hurts and there's no milk to soothe it.
Whinge, whinge, whinge.
Here's what's keeping me going. I only have to get through another day of this (and then an evening of disgustingness). If the test is clear, this is the last one I will ever have to do. (Unless there are special risk factors or polyps, the test isn't recommended after age 75, which I will be in 10 years.) I keep telling myself, "Just one more hour, just tonight, just tomorrow."
But the biggest thing is imagining jaylake with his big smile and his immense heart. And all the other friends I've lost to cancer. I feel their love and how they are cheering me through what is, after all, a minor inconvenience for a huge payoff.
Thanks, Jay and Bonnie and everyone. This glass of Virgil Root Beer is for you!